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Author Archives: Taylor Matthews

FARC Farc up Big Time

Breaking news:

The Colombia cabinet has retired to the nearby town Medellin after the successful peace talks to have a ‘relaxing break with their family’.

In reality, several thousand FARC troops are marching on the capital in an attempt to destroy the government of Colombia. In response, the Colombian forces are on high alert in the capital city of Bogata and war is underway. FARC forces are outnumbered by the Colombian Armed Forces and their traditional guerrilla warfare tactics will not suffice in the city.» >

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Disgraced Colombian ‘Mole’ replaced by Finance Minister

The roles of the ex-Foreign Minister has been incorporated into the role of the Minister of Finance, say the Colombian government.

Since the Colombians decided that the Mole in their Midst was dealing primarily with economic affairs abroad, in  particular with China, the Finance Minister has stepped up to the plate and is ready to take over from her disgraced former cabinet member.

The Colombian government may not be imploding yet, but it might struggle to get back on track with its aims and focuses with regards to FARC.» >

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Peace Deal must go to a Referendum

The Daily Farc
La Republica Declaraciòn de La Corte Suprema de Justicia de Colombia, The Supreme Court of Colombia has officially declared earlier today that any peace deal between the Government and the FARC leadership must again be subjected to a national referendum. The Judges were very clear upon the fact that failure to submit any peace negotiation results to the people would result in the implementation of any measure related to the deal as being unconstitutional.
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BREAKING: Colombian Foreign Minister Joins FARC movement

In a series of breaking events, the revelation that FARC troops entered a church and killing the congregation has led to a governmental crisis in the Colombian government.

It was revealed that the Foreign Minster had serious doubts about the competency of the Colombian President’s path to combating FARC, and attempted to plot a coup to overthrow the president.

The Foreign Minister has just joined the FARC movement, leaking official government policy to the group.» >

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Colombian Government expresses disappointed in FARC

The Daily Farc

The Colombian government has expressed its disappointed in FARC for going back on their originally agreed terms.

The government had been working diligently to draw up a peace plan that can meet the needs of the Colombian people and finally bring peace to this brutal, 50-year civil war. FARC’s human rights abuses have been described as  “unacceptable” by the Colombian government, and as such it is is trying to bring FARC to the negotiating table.  » >

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FARC Takes Steps to Alleviating Social Issues in its Territories

The FARC is determined to combat the array of social problems ravaging the neighbourhoods of many people within FARC-controlled areas.

Poverty has been a long-lasting problem in FARC territory, and its causes have been pinned on the failure of successive Colombian governments which have failed to address the problem.

In an attempt to take things into their own hands, FARC has recently announced plans to invest in a New Housing Scheme, which it sees will contribute to the eradication of both poverty and sexual health concerns prevalent in its areas.» >

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FARC Sends its Condolences and its Anger to Colombian Government

FARC officials have given an exclusive interview to The Daily Farc, sending their condolences to the Colombian Minister of National Defence in response to the news that his mistress was found dead.

Despite the emotional turbulence surrounding the Colombian government, FARC has ceased to relent on pressuring the Colombian administration for its failure to take the appropriate actions to prevent embarrassment to itself. FARC has accused the Colombians of corruption and misleading its own people, suggesting that the Minister of National Defence played a direct role in the death of his mistress, if the recently-found body is identified to be hers

This prompts further investigations amid a flurry of incompetence from the Colombians.» >

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Venezuelan Government Seeks Reparations For Oil Tanker Spill

UPDATE:

In the events following the bomb attack on a Chinese Oil Tanker in the Gulf of Venezuela, the Colombianos can exclusively report that the government of Venezuela has demanded that the Colombian government help clear up the oil spillage currently contaminating the waters in the Gulf separating Colombia from Venezuela.

The oil spill is effecting the fishing industry in the region, but it also poses a large problem to FARC, whose main strongholds and territory lies in the north and north-eastern regions of Colombia near the shores of the Gulf of Venezuela.» >

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